I think I’ve figured out why I’m still holding on.
I had the best three weeks of my entire life in August. And you were there for most of it. All my memories of the place, of the fun I’d had, of the laughter, the smiles and the sunshine…they’re all interwoven with the memories I have of you. It isn’t possible for me to block you out and still remember all the happiness of those three weeks.
And I want to remember them. I want to hold on to them, and on my dreariest days pull out all those memories and go over them again, and rediscover all the things that made me the happiest I’d ever been in a very long time.
When the rain falls It's like heaven's crying When the name's all The difference that there is Cause tears are The same when they are trying to grow something good Out of all the pain There's no difference between the teardrops and the rain.
Take a deep breath, and try to hold it for as long as you can underwater. The split second, the one right before your reflexes force you to resurface, the one where you’re uncertain about everything and you feel like you could possibly die, - that’s what love feels like to me right now.
Was it because you were mailing other people and you saw my name on your list and remembered? Or was it because you felt guilty and decided to finally reply? Or was it because somewhere deep down you do care a little?
I shouldn’t have complained about not missing you.
Now I miss you so bad its cutting deep into my heart and all I can think about is how to make the pain go away.
So you do still remember. You made the effort, and I’m kind of glad for that. I guess I didn’t think about how things were from your perspective.
But I’m still upset.
And you know, for the record, I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself because I’ve fallen in love with you and I have to figure out how to let that go. ~Detective Lindsay Monroe, CSI : NY (Right Next Door)
I wonder if I’m crazy for saving your mail and reading it over and over again when I miss you too much.
I’ve been fine, I’ve been handling the missing you part. But somehow the smallest thing can break that dam I’ve built around my feelings. Small things like my mother asking if I still talk to you, over breakfast in the mornings.
Sometimes I wonder, am I the only one involved in this? Do you ever miss me too? Worse still…do you ever think about me at all? Or are you getting on with your life while I’m slowly becoming numb?
You really don’t like him at all do you? No. I don’t. Why not? Because he broke your heart.
You know something? You’re probably right. He probably is a jerk.
But you know what? I’m no longer going to mope about it.
Just because some boy cannot appreciate me for who I am, that doesn’t make me any less awesome. My awesomeness is not measured in terms of what a boy thinks of me. Its measured in terms of what I think of myself. And in that case…I am pretty. damn. awesome.
In this semester alone, so far (in about 2 months almost),
I have watched Fernando Verdasco play LIVE in Malaysia.
I have learnt how to swim. I’m not good at it at all, but at least I can do something besides floating around like an idiot in the pool. I have learnt how to play darts. And I’m pretty good at it. I have learnt how to play foosball. I have learnt how to play Bridge…which is something I’ve been wanting to learn for a long time. I’ve skipped class and gone to AC to play pool for one hour straight…and lost every game without being sore about it.
I have picked up piano again, and I’m still good at it. I have started writing again, which may not be a big deal for some…but after three years, its good to know I still have that with me. I’ve begun to drive around. I’ve driven to MidValley without my parents in the car. I’ve driven back from MidValley without someone giving me directions…just based on the signboards.
I’ve learnt how to walk into a room full of strangers, sit among strangers, and yet still be able to hold my head high. I’ve learnt that confidence draws people to you.
I have met at least 10 new people, all of whom I am friends with now. I’ve played cards with random people whom I still do not know. I’ve played pictionary, charades and cluedo with other people I do not know. I have learnt its okay to embarass myself in front of people…they’d like you more for being human.
I’ve learnt that contrary to my own belief, I am very easily bullied.
I have watched a complete stranger scale a wall to get someones clothes back.
I have talked to random people in lifts, and despite what I used to think earlier, its actually pleasant.
I’ve learnt its okay to be myself. People still love me anyway.
Its not much, but for someone who normally sits in front of her computer doing nothing all day…this is a major change.
So to hell with waiting for tomorrow. I’m going to live, now.